|
[12 Dec 2005|05:15pm] |
speechless....
i have nothing to say anymore.
sara is gone and i honerstly think that its the first time i have nothing to say.
I probly wont be on here anymore so if you want me you can IM me....
SilentInsanity39
R.I.P Sarah Grace Curtin
I love you and miss you always
to everyone else who knew and loved her....
im sorry for your loss as everyone else has been sorry for mine.
|
|
|
[08 Nov 2005|10:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 eh... |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"whats this life for?" by Creed |
] |
LIFE IS SOo oOoO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL...
FOR A MOMENT
WHAT IS THIS LIFE FOR?
|
|
|
[29 Oct 2005|11:06am] |
Well...the past few days have been fun. Sunday I got fucking wasted and all this shit happend and yea blah blah blah....the rest of the week was just school and all that shit....then last night john slept over...and today were probly gonna go pick up kenny and go to the Homecoming football game and all that good stuff...so yea just wanted to let you know I was alive....ttyl
SARA COMES HOME EITHER MONDAY OR TUESDAY CANT FUCKING WAIT!
KELSEY I MISS YOU AND HOPE YOUR DOING OK
I LUV YA AND MISS YA BIG ROB!!
|
|
|
[17 Oct 2005|10:50am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 idk...... |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Photograph" by Nickleback |
] |
Well yea today was...not really unusual for me...but kinda dumb...yea Ive been sick and my dad couldnt get me from school and everyone was telling me to just sit in the nurses office and I finally had enough and just left....all I wanted to do was come home, take some asprin or something and just pass out. Is that too much to ask?
Well other than that, sara was out this weekend so I got to hang out with her yesterday :) I felt bad cuz they didnt give her the medication shes supposed to take to bring home with her so she was off of it and spacing out and shit...but it was still good just to see her, shes doing better than I thought she was...at least from the looks of her. And yea hopefully I can see her in the next few weeks.
And still just the same old shit....Hanging out with John and all his friends...I just dont like being home anymore I dont know why...but at the same time I hate town cuz its just drama...so yea....
I also just want to say sorry to Ken & Justin and everyone else if I've been acting wierd or anything...
KELSEY I LUV YA AND MISS YOU COME HOME SOON PLEASE!
|
|
|
[09 Oct 2005|05:21am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Somethings wrong with me.... |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"45" by Shinedown |
] |
Well yesterday was good for the most part. Woke up at like...8:30. Then John came and got me cuz we were both bored and just drove around for a while. Went to a coulpe of his friends houses and shit like that....Got home at like...1:30/2ish.
And yea, its 5:27 in the morning and I still havnt fucking slept. Dont you hate it when you have so much on your mind that you just cant lay there? You just have to get up and move around and its
FUCKING ANNOYING IM TIRED...PHYSICALLY...EMOTIONALLY...GRRRR!
Well yea today im probly gonna hang out with John again cuz hes pretty much the only one I'll talk to. I dont know why though. Well, me and John have somewhat of a similar past...Just some of the shit that we've done and experienced....so it just makes it easier to talk to him.
I dont know whats happend to me but all I know is that this feeling has to go away. I seriously out of the blue got all depressed and I feel like I dont deserve anyone like Justin or Kenny. Its like...I dont really wanna go out or see anyone, I just wanna sit in my room for the rest of my life. And it came out of no where and it hit me really hard. I mean yea Its the first month of school and im already fucking up and just all this other shit...I cant make out exactly what it is..but theres something ripping me apart. Well, maybe I'll save the rest for the day I figure it out.
Bye guys
|
|
| Hey people |
[06 Oct 2005|06:29pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Eh...WTF IS GOING ON |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"This used to be my playground" By Madonna |
] |
Yea Havnt really updated that much. I dont know what it is about the comp I just havnt really been on.
Well yea Me and Ken broke up the other day. And I cant give a completely straight answer as to why. Its a mix of me trying to get ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that I possibly can in life straightened out right now and trying to keep him out of all the fucking drama that my life has to offer. Theres a lot more I wanna say about it I just cant find the words to explain it all.
Me and Justin are on good terms right now which is great. Although his friends are pisssssssed at him and I dont even want to imagine what my friends think of me even talking to him but...I dont know theres never really gonna be anything nice that anyone has to say about me and him no matter what happens so yea w/e.
Other than that...
IM 15 NOW!!
Yea saturday was my birthday and me and Ken went up to Smith Haven mall and I got some sick clothes and all that good shit. Then Paul and Ken stayed for dinner and HOLY SHIT WAS THAT A FUN NIGHT! (cant go into specifics and im not telling anyone who dosnt already know so yea) BUT IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME.
And yea...School is just School *groans*
Thats about it right now. Bye people.
|
|
| Wow its been a while.... |
[22 Sep 2005|07:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Im hanging in there... |
] |
Yea I havnt really updated in a while. Well theres a lot going on but not that much that I can explain. Me and Justin have had a few bad run-ins since we broke up but w/e its normal and we got it worked out...for now at least. Next weekend is my birthday and me and Ivory are having a joint birthday party cuz our b-days are 2 days apart which is gonna be fucking awesome. Other than that...same old shit everyday...Ken picks me up from school and we go to town...then I come home and we chill here...and if hes not here then I just chill by myself. Sorry Rob and Kelsey for not being on that much but its hard cuz im always up to something...
Sara comes home in October HOPEFULLY
Another one of my friends gets out of Jail either today or tomorrow
Nothing else to say.
I'll update later
|
|
|
[06 Sep 2005|03:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Idk how im feeling right now.. |
] |
Yea tonight is monday night and its the last night of summer I can go out and do my thing. So yea Im at Ivorys kinda being dumb but its ok NOT TOO DUMB. Ivory and Will are in her bedroom watching "2 fast 2 furious" and of course im sitting here on the comp cuz Im not on that much.
~ ~ ~ ~
Um...today I went up to Sports Plus with Ken which was mad fucking awesome. Got to play lazer tag and all that good stuff. It was just nice cuz I havnt really had any real harmless fun like that all summer.
~ ~ ~ ~
There have been a few things bugging me like im kinda worried about my dad and how hes doing but Im not going into it. My mom has been kinda mean since my bro has been gone and yea summer is starting which sucks. I miss kelsey and sara and now my friend Kevin who just got sent to jail. But I still talk to then so I guess everything is ok. School is gonna suck without Ivory and I dont even get to help Kelly enjoy her first year of high school cuz they are going to Sag Harbor. But idk w/e
~ ~ ~ ~
Im also hoping Justin is ok since we broke up and all but yea im not going into that either. I havnt heard from him in a few days but Im sure hes trying to hang in there. As am I. But yea...
~ ~ ~ ~
Im out people. Talk to everyone later and everyone have a good first few days of school.
~ ~ ~ ~
I just have to say something....
KEN YOUR SO AWESOME, SO FUNNY AND I LOVE BEING AROUND YOU.
YOUR THERE TO LISTEN TO ME WHEN I NEED SOMEONE AND TO HOLD ME WHEN IM UPSET
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
(LOVEABLE KEN YO)
|
|
|
[03 Sep 2005|10:51am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
indescribable |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Summer of `69" by Bryan Addams |
] |
Yea the past few days have been really crazy. For the most part I've been with Ivory in Sag Harbor to get away from everything. And its the last few days I can go have fun before summer ends. Yea NO ONE ask any questions but me and Justin are over. I try to call him to check in on him and let him know that I'm still here for him and it just turns into an argument cuz he dosnt fully understand why it ended. but I still care for him and I'll always have a place for him in my heart no matter what and I guess as time goes on we'll just become close friends. Dont know about more than friends right now...but yea...
|
|
|
[24 Aug 2005|10:38am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Stop crying your heart out" by Oasis |
] |
Well My night was just a little bit less than what I would call fun. First I went to a going away party for my brother at my grandfathers house cuz hes going to college this saturday...I got to hang out and talk with paul...that was the "ok" part. I went to town, met up with Justin, mark, Rob and britney...we were standing in front of wauldbaums and justin was making little flame throwers using a can of ax. Then he decided to be smart and lit the top of the can on fire and he thought it was out or something and someone called the cops who saw him doing it...then he threw it behind waulbaums and just as a cop was passing threw, the can went up in flames. So yea for the 3d time in less than 2 months I saw my fucking boyfriend get arrested. Theres a chance he might get sent away to Juvi for 30 days cuz its the 3d time hes been arrested in this small of a period of time... but idk....Im 14 this shit is so rediculous. But I love Justin and of course im gonna be here for him and help him through this as much as I can.
SO LIFE IS JUST FUCKING PEACHY
|
|
| Idk.... |
[17 Aug 2005|02:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Stop crying your heart out" |
] |
Hold up
Hold on
Don’t be scared
You’ll never change what’s been and gone
May your smile (may your smile)
Shine on (shine on)
Don’t be scared (don’t be scared)
Your destiny may keep you warm
Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You’ll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out
Get up (get up)
Come on (come on)
Why’re you scared? (I’m not scared)
You’ll never change
What’s been and gone
Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You’ll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out
We’re all of us stars
We’re fading away
Just try not to worry
You’ll see us some day
Just take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out
--"Stop crying your heart out" by Oasis
~ ~ ~ ~
I went from not thinking enough....
To thinking too much.
Justin and Kelsey I love you 2 so much. Kelsey especially you, I miss you babe. I hope I can see you sometime soon. Its so hard without you and I didnt think it would be THIS hard. As long as I dont lose you I'll be ok. The biggest hugs and kisses to you guys.
*4-25-05* ~ Kelsey
*5-1-05* ~ Justin
|
|
| Eh.....idk.... |
[12 Aug 2005|12:05am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blank |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Losing my religion" by R.E.M |
] |
[ Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<font size-"1">') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.] <center> <FONT SIZE-"1"> <FONT COLOR="FF3333">Well everything has been ok for the most part. The past couple days have been good for me and Justin. Went to his dads house yesterday and made turkey burgers for dinner. Then today we went to the beach and justin actually went in the water with me. *BIG SMILE!* Kinda got sunburn on my stomache but its ok...thats what my dumbass gets for not wearing sun screen shit...but w/e. Then tonight I went to town and hung out with Ivory and Kelly who I havnt seen in a while....that kinda sums it up.
I just wanna say one thing. And that is...that I love my mom. Every time I see her after she gets home from work all she talks about is how we "dont talk" although thats bullshit. I just dont want her to be so hard on herself. She did her best to try and be a mom and she did a good job cuz im ok now. I know she only wants me to be happy and I am. I just want her to stop thinking shes a failure as a mom cuz shes not. AND I LOVE HER TO DEATH! |
|
| now I realize, life is soo0o0o hard, but its not THAT bad...you just have to tell yourself that |
[02 Aug 2005|03:53pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Stop crying your heart out" by Oasis |
] |
I LOVE EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER DONE ANYTHING FOR ME, (Ivory, kelly, SARA BABY, ryiah, mike b, mike roth...thats only to name a few) ANYONE WHO HAS LISTENED TO ME WHEN I HAD A PROBLEM, STOOD UP FOR ME, GIVEN ME LITTLE GIFTS...GOT ME TO SMILE (EVEN A LITTLE BIT) WHEN I WAS DOWN.....HELL EVEN PEOPLE WHO GAVE ME A COUPLE BUCKS FOR PIZZA...everything all of you (you know who you are) have done for me...i DO appreciate it.
~ ~ ~
Yes Big Rob that includes you too! You always have something to say to help me out and you give me your view on things and give me ideas as to what might be a good idea to do...and helped me make it through that one night where I was freaked out and I was afraid to leave the computer room. lmao yea im a pussy at times. luv ya bro! :)
~ ~ ~
*4-25-05* Kelsey - your the best. We've made it all this time, no fights, never got badley annoyed with eachother at all. I LOVE YOU AND IM GONNA BE HERE FOR YOU FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS NO MATTER HOW FAR AWAY YOU ARE!
~ ~ ~
*5-1-05* MY BABY JUSTIN! - Your so great. I know this is the hardest time of your life, Im just happy I can be here for you and for the most part I got you to stop hitting things and all of that stuff...just like you got me to stop all the bullshit I was doing as well. *BIG SMILE* We just keep getting stronger and stronger and it means so much to me. I trust you and you trust me, thats the biggest thing in a relationship, I know it took me a while to trust you as much as I do now, but I think you understand why. The fact that you were the one to get me to straighten my life out (I wanted to I just needed a little help)...and with how much I love you it makes it so much more special. I'll never ever EVER forget the impact you have had on my life. I LOVE YOU AAF! (always and forever)
|
|
| Hey |
[30 Jul 2005|06:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Summer of `69" by Bryan Addams |
] |
Yea its still been a while since I updated :/
~ ~ ~
Anyway things are going good with Justin...His step sister is out so we've all been hanging out. Yesterday I went to JJ's (Justins step dad) birthday party which I thought would suck cuz his friend Britney who I really dont trust around Justin at all (even when im there) but then again anyone from EH who knows britney might understand why I dont really trust her very much. But at least Justin remained himself and didnt turn into an ass just cuz she was there (unlike so many other times) :) but anyway its all good.
~ ~ ~
I dont know what it is but the summer has really gotten to me. Well, most parts anyway. This summer sucks cuz me and all of my friends are working and we dont get to hang out much. Also with Kelsey leaving just as the summer was starting But yea there have been fun times. Sleep over's at Ivorys *woot woot*. Sleep overs at Justins house with him and his step sisters Orion/Cat. Eh, I guess it could be A LOT worse.
~ ~ ~
Anyway Im boreed. Just wanted to update and let everyone know I havnt dropped off the face of the planet. Hee Hee
~ ~ ~
Kelsey I love you babe. I miss you and I hope to hear from you soon!
*Hugs and Kisses*
~ ~ ~
Big Rob - Havnt talked to you in a while...then again yea I still havnt been on much but I miss talkin to you. Luv ya bro.
~ ~ ~
And how could I forget Justin? I DIDNT THATS WHY IM WRITING TO HIM IN THIS! ok sorry. Anyway I just wanted to tell you that I love you and Im happy were still together. I respect you and adore you with everything I have. Your my baby no matter what *5-1-05* 3 MONTHS BABY (yea I know it isnt THAT long but we've been through so much) Words cannot describe...which is why I cant finish what im going to say.
~ ~ ~
Goodbye
|
|
| Wow I havnt updated in a little while..... |
[21 Jul 2005|12:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
Sometimes things DO get better |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Fuck the world" by ICP |
] |
Hm....not that much going on..im getting along with Justin and we have everything worked out. The other day he took his jeep out and we went riding around for a couple hours which was really good. Then last sunday we went to I'l cappucino in sag harbor and had dinner and just spent the night together which was sooo0o0o0o nice :)
I MISS KELSEY!
ITS SO HARD NOT HAVING HER HERE
*4-25-05* NOT GONNA GET US!
I'll update later. bye
|
|
|
[10 Jul 2005|09:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 Everything is just so craAaAzy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Your my best friend" Queen |
] |
Well the past week or so has been really fucking hard. Justin being arrested 2 times...over stuff that I'm really not gonna get into. It just makes me so mad cuz I care about him soo0o0o0o much and he dosnt need any of this shit. So yea now thes he's in trouble and 1 of the times he got arrested kind of had a little bit to do with me and now his whole family is all like...wanting us to break up. And I was finally on good terms with his whole family. This shit has just gotten to me so bad that this past week I only went to work 2 days for about 3 and 1/2 hours each day when normally I go in 5 days a week and I stay from 8 to at least 2:00. I know me and Justin will be ok in the end. Were pretty much taking a break which honestly we probably kind of needed to begin with...today I got to see him on my lunch break and then I went over his house after work...so yea it was good seeing him cuz I hadnt really hung out with him in a few days. I know its going to take a while but eventually his mom will chill out and everything will be ok again...HOPEFULLY! Right now im more focused on just being there for him and helping him through this. No one really understand why except for people like Ivory and Kelsey although she really dosnt know much about whats going on...thats just cuz the more I get into it the more upset it makes me....so yea....I dont know what else to write....ttyl people
Talk to me softly
There's something in your eyes
Don't hang your head in sorrow
And please don't cry
I know how you feel inside
I've been there before
Somethin's changin' inside you
And don't you know
Don't you cry tonight
I still love you baby
Don't you cry tonight
Don't you cry tonight
There's a heaven above you baby
And don't you cry tonight
Justin I love you and care about you more than I could ever imagine loving and caring for someone else. Theres something special about you and I know that as time goes by We'll be ok
Your my baby, and as long as your my baby.....
I'll never abandon you
I'll never deny you
Or make you feel unloved.
Even if in time, your no longer my baby
You'll still have me
FOREVER AND FOR ALWAYS
~*5-1-05*~
|
|
|
[06 Jul 2005|04:52am] |
I love that one ^ It says I should be dead already....TOO BAD!
Hahahah yea I would most deffinitly pimp that fuckin oscar meyer weenie wistle machine! :)
|
|
|
[03 Jul 2005|02:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
mmmmm *sobbs* |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"The one I love" by R.E.M |
] |
Yea I havnt updated in a little while....
Yea yesterday I went to a family BBQ with Justin and his whole family...it was actually kinda fun for a girl with a shitload of anxiety disorders. Actually I wasnt around the people very much maybe thats why it wasnt so bad. *giggles*
Yes, my baby is gone
MY BABY IS GONE!?
WHY is my baby gone?
*4-25-05* Kelsey I love you with all my heart. You are deffinitly something special in my life and I dont know how but I guess I have to manage without you here PHYSICALLY *Sobbs*
~This one goes out to the one I LOVE~
|
|
|
[20 Jun 2005|09:55am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
"Incomplete |
] |
Well this weekend was pretty fun I'd say. Friday kelsey came out to EH and we got kinda drunk but yea shhhhh. lol. Saturday I hung out with her and Justin and just bummed around town like usual. Sunday I had to work at the bagel store (I GOT A JOB!) so that was fun. Now im on the phone with Justin cuz hes at work and hes lonely. (Dont know why I said that but ok) And yes everything is ok with me and him - Yesterday we watched "How to lose a guy in 10 days" and there was a part where the girl acts really ditsy and whiney so I started doing that to Justin and he flipped out. lol but it was funny. Hanging out with him is always fun...HES SO CUTE! lol. Ok I dont know what else to write so I'll update later.
Dont hold on to the past
Well thats too much to ask
This used to be my playground
This used to be my childhood dream
This used to be the place I ran to
Whenever I was in need of a friend
WHY DID IT HAVE TO END?!
And why do they always say
No regrets
But I wish that you
Were here with me
Well then theres hope yet
I can see your face
In our secret place
You're not just a memory
Say goodbye to yesterday
THOSE ARE WORDS I'LL NEVER SAY
that song is for my love kelsey! I LOVE YOU GIRL!
Justin - You have no idea how happy you make me baby
Your my best friend, my boyfreind, your everything to me.
I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART AND I ALWAYS WILL.
*And I meant every word I said*
*when I said that I loved you*
*I meant that I love you forever*
*And Im gonna keep on loving you*
*Cuz its the only thing I wanna do*
*I dont wanna sleep*
*I just wanna keep on loving you*
~May 1st, 2005~
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
red_tear_river's journal